Who Would Win In a Fight: Michelle Obama or Cindy McCain?

Many people have asked me recently who I think would win in a fist fight: Michelle Obama or Cindy McCain? It’s a great question that deserves some further analysis. For the record, fighting is never the answer unless it’s also the question. That having been said, let’s put these two to the test.

I’ve decided that in order to find an accurate answer, I needed to turn to a game that I’ve never had an ounce of interest in: Dungeons and Dragons. I know nothing about the game and/or lifestyle and/or sexual orientation – but I know that characters in this cult are ranked according to several different criteria. A brief search of the Googles gave me the answers I needed: Strength, Wisdom, Dexterity, and Constitution (thanks, Wikipedia thing!).  I’m sure that there are other relevant factors, but these are the main four, so let’s not go overboard. So these will form the basis of my analysis.

And here how the battle plays out:

STRENGTH

Advantage: Cindy McCain

Analysis: Michelle Obama might seem to have a natural brawn over McCain, but Cindy McCain brings to the fight a powerful weapon: she has a cast on her arm from a supporter shaking her hand too vigorously.  Call it strength or call it armor, Cindy McCain could easily clock Obama with a good forearm-to-the-temple sort of blow and do some serious damage. Thanks to scout.com for the picture.

 

WISDOM: 

Advantage: Cindy McCain

Analysis: Again, McCain takes the clear lead. Look, I don’t mean to be an asshole, but you can’t be married to a guy who was a prisoner-in-a-box for five years and not learn SOMETHING about getting out of a tough spot. But knowing is only half the battle, can she deliver when push comes to shove?

DEXTERITY: 

Advantage: Michelle Obama

Analysis: Michelle Obama has two young children, and keeping up with them (and leaping to the rescue when tongues get near outlets) is a skill that only a mother could master. Granted, McCain has kids also – but they are older and require less physical intervention on a daily basis.

CONSTITUTION: 

Advantage: Michelle Obama

Analysis: Michelle is the clear winner here, and few would argue with her stamina. Cindy McCain was felled by a overzealous fan, so she’s kind of a lightweight. Michelle Obama seems to have a physical presence that doesn’t keep her on the mat for long.

So, wait, they tie?

Not here, my friends.  This is a place of decision.  Keep reading.

 

 

Rick Flair had the backhand chop. Jericho had the Boston Crab. The Iron Sheik had the Camel Clutch. These wrestlers sprung to notoriety with their signature moves; moves that were undefeatable in the ring – career enders in many cases.

It’s for this reason that Michelle Obama would clearly win with the fabled terrorist fist jab. The video below shows her demonstrating this fatal blow with only about 10% power.  You can imagine the carange unleashed upon the enemy when she really puts her weight into it.  

‘Nuff said.

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5 responses to “Who Would Win In a Fight: Michelle Obama or Cindy McCain?

  1. Constitution: Advantage Obama. Well, that one cuts a couple of different ways, no?

  2. True. But if that is the case, then the McCain’s get to pick their “guiding document” and they’d surely pick the Bible. For most neocons, the Bible trumps the costitution anyway. That having been said, there’s some rough stuff in there that could give McCain a clear advantage – frogs, floods, locusts, and Billy Mays – each a violent and decimating disproportional response.

  3. haha i am so enjoying this blog.

    jesi

  4. the only way we will know is if they fight. i would like to see them in elite xc the presidential edition

  5. Interesting article, i have bookmarked your blog for future referrence

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