Election 2008: Star Wars Version

It’s time for our first contest!  We have plenty of readers who have a lot to say, so let’s put all of that brainpower to good use.

In any civilization, people like to have good guys and bad guys. Davids and Goliaths. Sherrifs and outlaws. Angels and demons. Nowhere else can we see this more so that in the current race for the presidency. Democrats want Obama, Republicans want McCain. Both feel that they can clean up Washington and reform the federal government.

So let’s take these two guys and their sidekicks and see how they line up with another great battle between good and evil: Star Wars!

I’ll get the party started with the first six characters. Then, you submit an entry in which you offer your suggestions for the remaining characters, listed below. 

George W. Bush is Darth Vader. Darth Bush is currently in command of the Death Star and runs the day to day operations. It is the goal of the Death Star to crush smaller insurrections that pose any threat to the Death Star’s power over the universe (in addition to fending off the Rebel Alliance). Its defenses are strong, and Darth Bush will use whatever means are necessary to show strength and power. Long ago, Darth Bush used to be quite different. In his “compassionate conservative” days, he desired to use his powers for good, but has now given in to the Dark Side after meeting one of his mentors, Darth Rove. It was Darth Rove who was the apprentice to Chancellor Palpatine and who guided Darth Bush through his Empire training.

Dick Cheney is Emporer Palpatine. Dick Palpatine has had many titles: Senator, Chancellor/Secretary, and secret ruler of the galaxy. While Darth Bush is on the frontlines running the show, it’s really Dick Palpatine who works in the shadows to advance a larger, more mysterious and infinitely more insidious plan for the future. Dick Palpatine relied heavily on Darth Rove to help mentor young Darth Bush. Unfortunately, Darth Rove was defeated by a young Obi-Wan Kenobi in a vicious battle. For now, however, it is Dick Palpatine who Darth Bush serves with unbending allegiance, though few realize the extent of Dick Palpatine’s influence.

John McCain is Obi Wan Kenobi. He is old and battle-worn, but can still kick some major ass when needed. Obi John Kenobi is known for his valiant battle and subsequent capture in the Clone Wars. Another notable battle was that of Obi John Kenobi and Darth Rove, in which Kenobi seemed to rise almost from the dead to defeat Darth Rove just prior to Kenobi taking power. More recently, Obi John Kenobi and Darth Bush have cut their once-amiable ties and are now mortal enemies.

Obama is Luke Skywalker. He’s new to the fight, and he’s eager to topple the Empire.  Don’t mistake his naivete for a lack of courage or skill. To him, it’s just like killing womp rats back at Beggar’s canyon where he served as a community organizer. The force is extremely strong with him, but his elders worry that he hasn’t been properly tested. Obama Skywalker’s mission is nearly impossible: break through the Death Star’s defenses and explode it from the inside out. If he succeeds, he’ll forever have the gratitude of the Rebel Alliance.

Joe Biden is Han Solo. Reluctant but capable, this smart-alec with a quick brain and even quicker reflexes is an old pro at the uglier side of life in the galaxy. Joe Solo is a master of speed and can get from his home in Deleware to the US Capital in twelve parsecs. Initially, Joe Solo’s goal wasn’t to topple the evil Empire, but somewhere along the way, he gets a dose of morality and put his talents to good use. Joe Solo is haunted by his on-again, off-again relationship with the credit industry (like Capital One in Willmington, Deleware; or Jabba the Hut in wherever he lives).

Sarah Palin is Princess Leia. Beautiful and smart with a quick tongue to match, it is Princess Palin’s singular goal to infiltrate the Death Star and expose its weaknesses. First, though, she must pass along her battle plans to Obi John Kenobi – and it took Obama Skywalker to do it, otherwise Obi John would never have paid much attention to her. Unfortunately, Princess Palin was held prisoner by the evildoers who sought to silence her.

Ok, so here’s the contest. Take the following characters and find their real-world campaign equivalent. A full entry will have at least three comparisons. Post your entries by 6:00pm (central time) on Thursday, September 25th:

1. Chewbacca

2. C3P0

3. R2D2

4. Boba Fett

5. Yoda

6. Admiral Ackbar

7. Lando Calrission

Good luck!! Check back frequently to see everyone’s entries.

51 responses to “Election 2008: Star Wars Version

  1. Pingback: Election 2008: Star Wars Version | Lorrd dot com

  2. All right, I’ll play a bit…

    Howard Dean is Chewbacca. It’s not really his fault, but this noise he made completely defined him. Although he has heroic intentions, he’s mostly relegated to the role of mascot as the final showdown begins.

    Karl Rove is Boba Fett. While I imagine he’d hunt political heads for any price, right now the Republicans are the ones paying. Somehow, no matter who wins, you can be sure he’ll find some way to win.

    The mainstream media are the stormtroopers. You get the sense that neither side really likes them, but there are sure a lot of them, and people generally do what they say in the end.

    The entire Democratic delegation to Congress are Ewoks. They’re kinda cute, and at first you think you’re really going to love them, but then they just keep dancing and you think you’re going to be sick.

    And if there was such a thing as Evil Yoda, it’d be Karl Rove.

  3. (yes, I did just realize I gave 1.5 roles to Rove. Do with it what you will. He’s just so eminently caricaturable, I suppose…)

  4. I created a photoshop/comic of this a while back with:

    Obama–Luke
    Clinton–Leia
    O’reilly– Jaba the Hutt
    Adlai Stevenson–Anakin Skywalker
    Mondale–Yoda
    Bill Clinton–Lonestar
    Lieberman–Palpatine
    Bush–Jar Jar
    Blair–Chewbaca
    McCain–Emporer
    Cheney–Darth Vader
    Lando–John Edwards

    Here it is:

  5. Karl Rove = JarJar?

  6. I think President Reagan is Yoda. A wise person who has mentored many but is gone now.

  7. IMO Kucinich would make a better Jar Jar

  8. Ron Paul as Admiral Ackbar: Admiral Paul led a small but dedicated contingent against the forces of the Death Star, only to find out that his secretly supported candidacy was a Trojan Horse, screaming “It’s a trap!”

    Hilary Clinton as Lando: Hilary Calrissian paid lip service at first and then betrayed Obama Skywalker, but once the smoke cleared she grew a party line-towing conscience and threw her support behind his efforts against the Death Star. Will be digitally inserted into the celebration following Obama Skywalker’s victory, after the powers that be realize they’ve offed their “token”.

    C3PO and R2D2: Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart. All four act as Greek chorus to the happenings around them concerning the “fighting of the power”, and when Stewart starts laughing in the middle of a joke, you can really hardly understand him.

  9. Jabba The Rove????

  10. Chewbacca = Bill Richardson

    Chewrichardson is the loyal sidekick that does not say much but will stand by Joe Solo and Obama Skywalker in a nasty fight and will go down swinging.

  11. Yoda is Ted Kennedy. Both do their best work when close to water.

  12. NPR is C3PO. Constantly offering chattering commentary on everything, with lots of british accent thrown in, but nobody really cares what they have to say, and mostly just switch them off.

    Robert Byrd is Yoda. They’re both 900 years old, given to rambling nonsense, but moments of sage-like wisdom from time to time. Same ears.

    James Carville is that monkey-like thing that always hung out with Jabba the Hut, constantly laughing maniacally and making nasty little commentary every chance he gets.

    Jesse Jackson is Lando. He’s an old pirate from way back, total attention whore, loves the ladies.

    Paulson is R2D2. The only guy in the room who knows what’s going on, but apparently talks in a language nobody in Congress can understand.

  13. 1. Chewbacca NancY Pelosi makes alot of noise and fights for the Democratic agenda blindly without question

    2. C3P0 Barr he sounds intelligent but really is still just a droid that no one really pays attention to except for some comic relif.

    3. R2D2 Nader always there really make a lot of squeaking noise helps Luke a bit never seems to get any credit for anything he has done for the cause(his or otherwise) really a guy who has a little influence and no substance.

    4. Boba Fett Karl Rove(totally out to To luke Obama down and wants freeze Han Bidens mouth and always is the shadow and doing it for money

    5. Yoda Colin Powell used to be a teacher for Obi wan McCain but now seems to switched his allegiance to the other side

    6. Admiral Ackbar Hillary Clinton got into the race and found it was a political trap never to be seen again.

    7. Lando Calrission Bill Clinton you think he is good then bad the Good again is he helping or hurting Luke and Han

  14. Bill Clinton is Greedo, both shot and missed their mark: Greedo hit the wall and Bill hit the dress.

  15. too bad there are plenty of characters that get their hands cut off in these movies, or bob dole might be a good fit.

  16. Has anybody else noticed how much McCain looks like Palpatine? They could have been separated at birth. I’m surprised we haven’t seen a YouTube video of McCain as Palpatine.

  17. Palin is an Ewok with lipstick

  18. 1. Chewbacca – nancy pelosi and not for the literal interpretation. nancy is one of those people that speaks and you think you understand, but those around her seem to know exactly what she is saying. Even though most people don’t.

    2. C3P0 – Nicolas Sarkozy (French President) – wants to play with the Republic (US), but still worries too much of the public out cry of its actions.

    3. R2D2 – dont know….

    4. Boba Fett – Karl Rove is a great choice.

    5. Yoda – John Stewart. I know he’s not old. Yet he talks in riddles (jokes and innuendoes), and does a wicked impersonation of Yoday anyway.

    6. Admiral Ackbar – Tommy Franks – Leading a rag tag rebellion against the forces of evil in the “War on Terror”

    7. Lando Calrission – Bill Clinton. Come on a ladies man that knows how to work the system. Plays the game and is looked at as a major player, even though he’s fleecing the world.

    8. Jar Jar Binks – Ross Perot. nuff said.

    9. Wado – Ron Paul – Hates the “man”, doesnt let the religious state push him around. Doenst fall for those silly “jedi” tricks of interest groups.

    10 Jaba the Hut – Michael Mukasey – Likes to torture, thinks the path to success is lead by dominance.

  19. I nominate Newt Gingrich as Boba Fett

    and

    Dennis Kucinich as C3P0

  20. Lando is Obama’s Priest,

    Boba Fett ist Jon Stewart

    Schwarzenegger is Ackbar

    and I agree, Reagan is Yoda.

  21. Palin is a big wookie, in the political sense. she is a meaningless distraction intended to keep people from paying attention to the fact that John McCain is not a maverick, not a right to lifer, and not tempermentally suited to being president.

    he is a short tempered blowhard who repeatedly has caved to his party overlords in order to be an acceptable candidate to the party elite.

  22. Boba Fett needs to be Erik Prince, the head of Blackwater Security.

  23. I agree that Reagan has to be Yoda, but Lieberman would make a better Lando. Who’s side is he on anyway? Maybe he’s just in disguise right now like at Jabba’s palace, giving speeches at the RNC. When the time comes though he’ll pilot the Falcon against the Death Star and save the day. Damn I hope so.

  24. Bush= Darth Vader
    Obama= Luke
    Darth Vader is Luke’s father

    Then…..

    BUSH IS OBAMA’S FATHER!!!

  25. Star Wars Geneology

    OK …

    Bush= Darth Vader
    Obama= Luke
    Darth Vader is Luke’s father

    Then…..

    BUSH IS OBAMA’S FATHER!!!

    But it gets scarier …

    Palin= Leia

    Then …

    BUSH IS PALIN’S FATHER … AND (I think you know where this is going…)

    OBAMA AND PALIN ARE BROTHER AND SISTER!!!!!

  26. I would nominate Palin as young Anakin instead of Leia. Completely inexperienced but able to magically do mighty things in ways that are only possible because the director wrote it into the script. Considered cute and innocent, but fated to fall under the influence of the emperor.

    That casts the Republican party leadership as George Lucas, of course. But that seems all too appropriate: their scripts are poorly written science fiction that fleece gullible ticket buyers.

  27. I think Glenn Beck should be Admiral Akbar; both get to address the multitudes via a screen, both are trying to plan an attack, both act as a commentator for the masses about the general goings-on of the fight for liberation, and both get goofier the more serious they get about a plan of action.

  28. Well done cupcake. Rickey salutes you!

  29. Chewbacca = Keith Olberman. (“Olbacca” or “Chewberman”) A key member in the Rebel Alliance, what he lacks in subtlety he makes up for in effectiveness. His Roaring and Groaning may be incomprehensible, but he still manages to get his point across. (Bonus for only being understood by the equally long-winded Biden/Solo).

    Lando Calrissian = Hillary Clinton (“Hillando”). Like Lando, she is an old ally of the members of the Rebel Alliance, but attempted to sell them out for personal gain. When this failed, she became a stalwart ally once again.

    Jar Jar Binks = Sarah Palin (“Sar Sar”). With few actual skills besides the charisma to attract powerful friends, Sar Sar was instrumental in the governance of her own backwater planet. Now thrust to the national/intergalactic stage as a Senator/VP-candidate, Sar Sar’s earnest fumbling could hand all of the power to the Dark Side.

  30. R2D2 has gotta be Ron Paul.

    Been around for ages, has a small but militant fan base, will stay loyal to a cause rather than to other characters, does his own thing and seems to wander off which pisses off most other characters but seems to deliver workable solutions at key moments.

    Oh, and R2D2 is crotch height Ron Paul is an OB/GYN so… “sees all kinds of crotches” also works.

  31. Bush is Vader. You get the feeling he may not actually be so bad underneath everything, but man he’s screwed things up.

    Reagan is Palpatine, the guy who started this country moving in the direction it went. Not a political statement I just think thematically it would work.

    Bill Clinton is Han solo, bein all smooth and rogueish…rogish(sp?)

    McCain is Grievous. Sort of broken down but still a threat to the alliance.

    Carter is Yoda. He was once the president and is now always a voice for love and goodwill and all that jazz.

  32. I am master Joda.
    As president I will be the emperor, too.

  33. Teste de envio de comentarios

  34. Pingback: Top Posts « WordPress.com

  35. were gonna have to say yoda is bill clinton. he only reluctantly takes obama (luke) on as a student, but now fully supports him as the next jedi master

  36. I think Al Gore should be Yoda.

    Dan says Palin can’t be Leah because Leah is too intelligent and too much of a badass. Sarah Palin is one of the bimbos tied to Jabba the Hut in Return of the Jedi. Works in a lot of ways since she is such a hand puppet.

    Or she could be Jar Jar Binks. Slightly amusing but incredibly annoying.

    Hillary could be Leah, or maybe Queen Amidala, because she is tough and gets out there and fights for what she thinks is right.

    One of the previous comments was right…McCain LOOKS the most like Palpatine.

    Dennis Kucinich is C3PO because he is highly loyal, but also highly annoying.

    John Edwards is Lando Calrission because of his great hair.

    Rush Limbaugh is Boba Fett because he is an evil SOB who makes his money off the idiot masses. Also, his power is mostly his own delusion.

  37. This post is like the cantina. Can be cool, but filled with annoying idiots and for some reason a repeating oboe song.

    Feel free to chop my hand off with a light saber for saying so.

    Glenn

  38. Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker: George W. Bush
    Padme Amidala: Sarah Palin
    Luke Skywalker: Obama
    Leia: Hillary Clinton
    Bail Organa: Bill Clinton
    Darth Maul: John McCain
    Bobba Fett: Karl Rove
    Emperor Palpatine: George Bush father :D
    Jango Fett: Dick Cheney
    Yoda: Ted Kennedy
    Jabba the Hutt: Arnold Schwartznegger
    Han Solo: Joe Biden
    Chewbacca: John Edwards
    Lando: Michelle Obama

  39. Sorry, Jar Jar Binks is absolutely Biden. With his penchant for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, getting into trouble where the other characters bail him out, and being “in, but not of” most political movements, the resemblance is uncanny.

  40. LAME!

    BTW – Chelsea Clinton circa 1992 is Chewbacca.

  41. I just want to throw this out there only because no one picked up on it…. but shouldnt McCain be C3PO?

  42. Lando Calrissian – Bill Clinton. Eminently cool and charismatic but not very trustworthy when you need him most.

    Luke Skywalker – is Obama the savior of the formerly defunct Jedi order and marks the return of enlightenment and the defeat of the evil empire.

    Leia – Palin? Ok, but only the Leia that was chained by the neck and scantily clad in a bikini to Jabba the Hut (McCain) with a yoke. At the most maybe Jar-Jar cute but ok if not in any more feature films.

  43. BTW, for your reading pleasure, Rickey presents: Sarah Palin’s NYC Itinerary

  44. Chewbacca – Nancy Pilosi. She’ll watch the Democrat’s back and shoots from the hip.
    Yoda – Daniel Shorr – having covered the world for more than 60 years, he’s old and wise and has seen Jedi masters come and go.
    C3PO – Bill Clinton – a little pesty and has a lot to say, not all of it useful but he will be loyal in a pinch.
    R2D2 – Hillary Clinton – perhaps she’s relegated to muttering under her breath at this point but she’s still loyal and a force to be reckoned with.
    Lando Calrissian – Ariana Huffington – a turncoat but a charming one at that.
    Boba Fett – Karl Rove – Better watch your back, this one’s evil
    Admiral Ackbar – General Raymond Odierno – taking over our lovely war in Iraq, a loyal soldier
    Jar Jar Binks – Ralph Nadar – getting to be a real pest
    Jabba the Hut – Vladimir Putin – Has a lot of power in his own realm and could be a danger to the rest of us soon. Will send out secret agents to destroy his enemies.

  45. An Ewok with lipstick! *snicker*

    (it just had to be repeated)

  46. Karl Rove = General Tarkin. In charge of all the battle plans until his viciousness and overconfidence lead the whole thing to blow up in his face.

    Bill Clinton as Yoda: Everybody acts like he’s the wise, all-powerful, all-knowing political master but really what does he do besides sit around saying a bunch of stuff that doesn’t turn out to be very helpful?

    Sarah Palin as Jar Jar: Inserted into the campaign to excite the youth voters and jump start toy sales to the fan base, but very quickly discovered to be worthless and annoying. Finds herself way over her head when she’s inexplicably made a general in the battle for Naboo/Michigan. After a huge roll out, she’s gets almost no face time ever again. (Yeah, okay, this doesn’t hold to the Democrats/Rebellion vs. Republicans/Empire… but neither does Palin = Leia.)

    Eric is right: Howard Dean = Chewbacca. All anyone remembers is the noise he made.

    Sean is right: Hillary Clinton = Lando Calrissian. Tries to betray the rebellion for her own selfish gain but ends up fighting with Obama Skywalker in the final battle.

  47. Ha! The Palin joke made me laugh

  48. Calvin described Palin so purrfectly! ;-)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s